Psychology of Desire

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

Mating in Captivity and the Lost Rituals of Desire: What modern relationships forgot about mating.

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#103 The Trauma-Informed Mistress: Healing, Power and Kink with JDominatrix

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sat, 30 May 2026 14:30:56 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I sit down with JDominatrix, a trauma-informed kink educator, Mistress, sadist, and community leader, to explore one of the most debated topics in BDSM: the relationship between trauma, healing, and erotic power.

We explore:

Trauma-informed approaches to BDSM.
Can kink become part of healing?
Consent, trust, and ethical power exchange.
The psychology of Dominance and submission.
Running a dungeon and teaching kink.
Community, growth, and erotic empowerment.

Research article: Trauma-Informed Kink Healing

Want to support The Erotic Realm? - grab yourself an amazing product and support The Erotic Realm at no additional cost to you!

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.
Enjoying the podcast? The Erotic Realm is an independent podcast and relies on support from listeners to continue. Become a paid subscriber today to help more erotic realms happen.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Auralism: The Psychology of Erotic Sound: Why Do Some People Hear Desire?

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

Mating in Captivity and the Lost Rituals of Desire: What modern relationships forgot about mating.

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#102 The Desired Older Woman: Aging, Noetisexuality & Erotic Reawakening with Brookiana

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Wed, 27 May 2026 14:31:20 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Brookiana to explore aging, erotic reinvention, and the psychology of becoming desired again.

We explore:

Noetisexuality and attraction to intellect and depth.
Aging, femininity, and erotic reinvention.
Returning to sexuality after abstinence.
Why younger men are drawn to emotionally mature women.
Writing erotica and reclaiming erotic identity later in life.

Research article: Sex and the (older) single girl: Experiences of sex and dating in later life.

Want to support The Erotic Realm? - grab yourself an amazing product and support The Erotic Realm at no additional cost to you!

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.
Enjoying the podcast? The Erotic Realm is an independent podcast and relies on support from listeners to continue. Become a paid subscriber today to help more erotic realms happen.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

#101 The Ecology of Desire: Queer Eroticism, Nature & Connection with Sketchy

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sat, 23 May 2026 03:15:26 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Sketchy to explore the intersection of queer identity, biology, and erotic connection. We unpack the idea of “the ecology of desire” — where attraction, intimacy, and sexuality are not just internal experiences, but relational processes shaped by our connection to the world around us.

We explore:

The concept of the ecology of desire.
Queer erotics and nature as inherently diverse.
Biology, symbiosis, and intimacy.
Desire as relational rather than individual.
Kink, identity, and connection beyond the self.

Research article: Queer Ecologies: Sex, Nature, Politics, Desire.

Want to support The Erotic Realm? - grab yourself an amazing product and support The Erotic Realm at no additional cost to you!

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Mating in Captivity and the Lost Rituals of Desire: What modern relationships forgot about mating.

Auralism: The Psychology of Erotic Sound: Why Do Some People Hear Desire?

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#100 The Choice to Be Owned: Slave Psychology with Daniika

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Wed, 20 May 2026 14:30:53 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Daniika — a submissive, masochist, and self-described slave exploring the psychology of power, pain, and total surrender.

We explore:

The psychology of masochism and meaning in pain.
What “slave” and “ownership” actually mean in BDSM.
24/7 power exchange in real life.
Kink, identity, and the idea of orientation.
Neurodivergence, structure, and erotic regulation.

Research article: The Kink Orientation Scale: Developing and Validating a Measure of Kink Desire, Practice, and Identity.

Want to support The Erotic Realm? - grab yourself an amazing product and support The Erotic Realm at no additional cost to you!

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#99 The Brat Submissive: Power, Play & the Psychology of Submission with Jade

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sun, 17 May 2026 04:14:05 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode of I’m joined by Jade — a bisexual, bratty submissive navigating the psychological complexity of power, identity, and desire across both kink and swinging spaces.

We explore:

The psychology of brat energy and boundary play.
Submission as choice vs identity.
Kink vs swinging: key psychological differences.
Navigating marriage alongside a D/s dynamic.
Why people may already be engaging in BDSM without knowing it.

Research article: From Fantasy to Communication: BDSM Engagement, Sexual Experience Breadth, and Pleasure Deservingness Among College Women.

Want to support The Erotic Realm? - grab yourself an amazing product and support The Erotic Realm at no additional cost to you!

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

Mating in Captivity and the Lost Rituals of Desire

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Thu, 14 May 2026 14:03:49 GMT

This week Esther Perel celebrates 20 years since she released her seminal work Mating in Captivity: How to Keep Desire and Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships.

In this incredible book, Esther explored such questions as:
How do we sustain desire inside familiarity?
How do we hold the paradoxical need for safety and excitement in a relationship?
And can we want what we already have?

An image representing the modern dilemmea of Mating in Captivity. Created with AI.

Esther concludes that couples who successfully sustain desire become adept at holding the paradoxes of desire:

“Modern relationships are cauldrons of contradictory longings: safety and excitement, grounding and transcendence, the comfort of love and the heat of passion…..Reconciling the domestic and the erotic is a delicate balancing act that we achieve intermittently at best. It requires knowing your partner while recognizing his persistent mystery; creating security while remaining open to the unknown; cultivating intimacy that requires privacy. Separateness and togetherness alternate…Desire resists confinement, and commitment mustn’t swallow freedom whole”

In the new foreword to the 20th anniversary edition of Mating in Captivity, Esther reflects on the cultural shift during that time and how today individuals and couples are much more willing to discuss their sex lives.

A lot has changed — dating apps, the conversations around sexuality, the injection of BDSM into the mainstream zeitgeist — but what hasn’t changed is the centrality of our need and desire for sex.

This is one of the reasons I became obsessed with exploring the psychology of desire.

Through ethnographic research, writing, surveys, and nearly one hundred episodes of The Erotic Realm podcast — where I interview everyone from Dominants and submissives to tantric practitioners, queer creators, fetishists, and therapists — I’ve spent years immersed in conversations about eroticism.

After years exploring this realm, I’ve landed on one core principle:

To desire and be desired is a pivotal human experience.

Why then does desire come with so many difficulties and complexities?

And what can we learn from communities who consciously play with desire?

Sex ≠ Mating

Re-reading Mating in Captivity, I began wondering whether many modern struggles around desire emerge from a subtle but important cultural collapse:

We seem to have replaced mating with sex.

And perhaps something essential was lost in the process.

Esther herself says she refers to the book in short as “Mating.” A simple word, yet I feel it captures the core principle of both the message of the book and what I’d like to discuss here.

When a lot of us hear the word mating, we think of sex.

But does mating really equal sex?

According to the Oxford Dictionary:

Sex = physical activity between two people in which they touch each other’s sexual organs, and which may include sexual intercourse.

Mating = the act of sex between animals, often specifically to produce young. It is used to describe the breeding, copulation, or pairing behavior of animals, often involving specific courtship rituals and behaviors prior to sexual union.

Do these sound like the same thing to you?

When we use the word sex, a lot of what is captured by the word mating is lost.

The courtship.
The rituals.
The behaviors prior to sex itself.

I’m not just talking about foreplay, but the whole process that leads to the desire for sexual behaviors with your chosen mate.

If we replace the word sex with mating, we broaden the exploration of desire to include an entire erotic ecology.

When I first heard of Esther’s book many years ago, the phrase Mating in Captivity really stood out — it’s not often we think about the fact that we humans are, in a sense, mating in captivity.

Mating Rituals

Many animals have mating rituals, and a lot of us have witnessed them with glee and awe. Animals that use mating rituals, such as a penguin choosing a particular rock to “propose” to its mate, or a bower bird who meticulously crafts a nesting site and decorates it with the colour blue, are some of the most fascinating parts of David Attenborough documentaries.

A gatherer, builder AND decorater?! Swoon. Image from www.naturepl.com

I believe that we find these scenes fascinating not only because they are often visually stunning, but because many of us long for a more ritualised experience in our own mating.

As Esther points out about one of her therapeutic clients:

“What Sarah looks forward to is more than sex; it’s the ritual.”

The modern mating ritual of a simple right swipe and “wyd” doesn’t quite compare, does it?

Esther points out that the difference between animal and human mating is the erotic:

“Animals have sex; eroticism is exclusively human. It is sexuality transformed by the imagination. In fact, you don’t even need the act of sex to have a full erotic experience.”

We have created a world separate from nature, one in which we don’t often think of ourselves as animal, and yet at our core we are still animalistic in our nature — our desire included.

So how do we bridge the gap between the two — our animalistic nature and our modern lives?

In my ethnographic exploration of different sexuality communities around the world, including tantra, BDSM, and queer communities, I’ve encountered people who break free from the heteronormative scripts modern society has become accustomed to.

These communities not only preserve aspects of mating rituals but actively play with them, and unsurprisingly this often results in greater sexual satisfaction.

Tantric traditions often approach sexuality less as performance and more as presence. Through practices like eye gazing, breath work, movement, and intentional touch, sex becomes less about a physical act and more about attention. Tantric sex becomes less about performance and more about a co-created ritual of energetic exchange and pleasure that is witnessed and experienced by the two people involved.

BDSM (Bondage, Dominance/submission, Sadism/Masochism) is a ritualised sexuality where typically a dominant and submissive (or top and bottom) will engage in explicit pre-scene negotiation and then engage in those activities in a ritualised way — referred to as play.

As Esther highlights in her discussion of successful couples:

“Every so often, I meet couples who get it, who maintain a sense of playfulness with each other, in and out of the bedroom. They are physically and sensually alive — two people whose desire for one another hasn’t been left to languish.”
“...playfulness is central to their relationship and eroticism extends beyond the sexual act…they take time to nurture an erotic space.”

It is within these scenes that participants often explore symbolic identities or particular aspects of their personality. Scenes often result in experiences and emotions ranging from relief and happiness to anger, sadness, catharsis, and even transcendence.

It is not uncommon for participants in BDSM to describe deeply erotic experiences that did not include the act of sex. (For specific examples of this, I recommend listening to the Peak Erotic Experience episodes of The Erotic Realm, where I ask guests to describe an erotic experience that has stayed with them. You’ll notice that many do not include sex or penetration at all.)

Queer individuals who do not fit into heteronormative scripts have often had to create their own. It’s not uncommon for two men in the gay community to quickly discuss their desired roles in the bedroom, for example. This negotiation of wants and needs often leads to a greater sense of sexual satisfaction.

Studies on BDSM, queer relationships, and tantra-like mindfulness practices all seem to point toward the same thing: when people approach sexuality with more communication, intentionality, presence, and freedom to negotiate desire, they tend to report better sexual and relational outcomes.

Together, these findings hint at something bigger: that erotic fulfillment may have less to do with any one identity or practice, and more to do with consciousness, communication, and the permission to engage desire more intentionally.

Mainstream sexuality can learn a lot from these communities, as they are consciously preserving, defining, and recreating aspects of mating culture.

For them, sex isn’t just about sex.

It’s about cultivating desire, creating a ritualised space of mutual pleasure, and evolving the ecosystem of mating to include the full range of human emotions and experiences.

Desire Needs Psychological Space

One of Esther Perel’s central insights in Mating in Captivity is that desire requires a certain degree of psychological distance.

Not disconnection.
Not emotional coldness.
But space.

The ability to see your partner not only as the person who helps with groceries, pays bills, or lies beside you every night — but as someone slightly unknowable.

Someone separate from you. Someone capable of surprising you.

When mating becomes reduced to sex, and sex becomes reduced to routine, we stop consciously creating the psychological conditions that allow eroticism to emerge.

Many mating rituals are, at their core, symbolic acts of transformation.

Dressing differently.
Lighting candles.
Eye gazing.
Taking on roles.
Entering a scene.
Allowing yourself to be seen differently.

These rituals do more than create mood. They create psychological space. They allow us to momentarily step outside the ordinary structures of daily life and encounter one another again with imagination rather than familiarity.

This is something I’ve repeatedly noticed in the communities I’ve explored.

A person is not only a husband, wife, accountant, parent, or partner.

They may also become: a seductress, a dominant, a brat, a worshipper, a tease, even a stranger.

I’m often struck when I interview guests for The Erotic Realm at how different their everyday persona they describe at the beginning of our conversation is from their erotic persona.

Our eroticism often lives in the parts of ourselves that exceed our ordinary social roles.

Perhaps this is why ritual and play matter so deeply.

The art of mating interrupts the predictability of everyday life and allows us to see each other through a completely different lens.

The Art of Mating

Perhaps modern and long term relationships aren’t suffering from a lack of sex per se.

Perhaps they are suffering from the disappearance of mating.

The loss of ritual.
Of anticipation.
Erotic play.
Psychological seduction.
Curiosity.
Of the slow unfolding tension that exists before touch itself.

Not simply the loss of intercourse — but the loss of the erotic world that once surrounded it.

Twenty years after Mating in Captivity was first released, I think Esther Perel’s title captures something even more relevant now than it did then.

We are, in many ways, animals mating in captivity, separate from nature.

Creatures with ancient nervous systems attempting to sustain desire inside lives increasingly shaped by routine, technology, productivity, exhaustion, and constant familiarity.

And perhaps one of the great challenges of modern relationships is not simply learning how to love one another — but learning how to remain erotically alive to one another.

How to continue seeing our partners not only through the lens of function, but through the lens of imagination.

How to create moments of mystery inside familiarity.

How to preserve playfulness inside commitment.

How to consciously cultivate the psychological space desire needs in order to breathe.

This, I think, is what many queer, kinky, tantric, and alternative erotic communities are often exploring so consciously: not simply different forms of sex, but different ways of relating to eroticism itself.

Different ways of mating.

And perhaps the invitation hidden inside all of this is not necessarily to become more kinky, more alternative, or more experimental.

But to become more conscious. More curious. More playful.

More intentional about the erotic ecosystems we create together.

Because desire is not something we find once and then permanently possess.

Desire is something we continue entering together.

And perhaps the flame of desire survives where two people continue consciously returning to the unique shared erotic realm between them — and the ongoing choice to meet each other there again, and again.

Questions to ponder

What is your mating ritual?
What stokes your desire? And your partner’s?
What is a mating ritual you would like to co-create with your partner (or future partner)?
When was the last time you felt playful during sex? How can you cultivate the feeling of playfulness with your partner (or future partner)?
What’s a way that you can create space and otherness in your relationship(s)?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments if this article resonated with you or opened your mind to new ways of exploring.

Thanks for reading!

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm podcast

Want to explore the psychology of your desire?

Emma offers 1:1 coaching via application - Details here.

Or grab yourself your very own Desire Diary here.

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

The Jung of Sex | The Archetypes of Desire

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

References:

Mating in Captivity
Perel, E. (2025). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (20th Anniversary Edition).

Carty, A., & Davidson, A. (2024). Directness of Communication Mediates Sexual Satisfaction: What We Can Learn from a Positive View of BDSM Practice. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 10(1), 8–16.

Mallory, A. B., et al. (2022). Dimensions of Couples’ Sexual Communication, Relationship Satisfaction, and Sexual Satisfaction: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(3), 350–362.

Hoff, C. C., & Beougher, S. C. (2010). Sexual Agreements Among Gay Male Couples. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 39(3), 774–787.

Leavitt, C. E., et al. (2021). Linking Sexual Mindfulness to Mixed-Sex Couples’ Relational Flourishing, Sexual Harmony, and Orgasm. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50, 3597–3610.

Sánchez-Fuentes, M. M., Santos-Iglesias, P., & Sierra, J. C. (2014). A Systematic Review of Sexual Satisfaction. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 14(1), 67–75

#98 Born Kinky? Submission, Trust & Erotic Freedom with Alixx Amour

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Thu, 14 May 2026 00:00:16 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Alixx Amour to explore a question that has fascinated me for years: Are some people born kinky? We talk about early awareness of submissive desire, the psychology of trust, sexual agency in BDSM, and whether kink can feel less like something learned and more like something recognised.

We explore:

Are some people born kinky?
Submission as freedom rather than weakness.
Trust, TPE and red flags in power exchange.
What filming for Kink.com revealed about fantasy vs reality.
Erotic belonging, community and finding your people.

Research article: From Fantasy to Communication: BDSM Engagement, Sexual Experience Breadth, and Pleasure Deservingness Among College Women.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm - grab yourself an amazing product and support The Erotic Realm at no additional cost to you!

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

Auralism: The Psychology of Erotic Sound

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Tue, 12 May 2026 14:26:35 GMT

Listening to desire- image created with AI.

What is the sexiest sound you’ve ever heard?

Some of you will need to ponder for a moment to think of what sound that could be.

Some of you, however, will know instantly.

You might even have a few sounds that ignite your desire.

Some of you may if given the choice, even prefer to hear this sound over seeing a sexy visual.

A whisper that lingered in the stomach for hours.
A moan that triggered goosebumps before a single touch occurred.
A voice note replayed obsessively.

Or perhaps the sound of an object is what titillates you?

A pair of high heels slowly walking towards you.
The snap of a latex glove.
Or your favourite piece of music.

If this is you, it turns out – you’re not alone.

While sexuality research has historically focused on what we see, a new aspect of sexuality that has only recently been recognised and researched is now making its way into the zeitgeist.

Those whose desire is evoked primarily by sounds, not sights.

So, what do we call people who experience desire primarily through what they hear?

Introducing: Auralism

What Is Auralism?

Auralism is a relatively new term, the exact origin of which is unclear, though it seems to have originated in fetish and kink communities online in the early 00’s, and academic circles around 2012 (Taylor, 2012).

As of this writing the term does not exist in the dictionary, however it has been defined via internet forums such as the Urban Dictionary as early as 2008.

Auralism is a sexual fetish defined as sexual arousal or excitement caused by sound, to be compared with voyeurism. This sound might be music, a voice, the actual sounds of sex itself, or other sounds, and may include enjoyment from listening to others having sex. As with most fetishes, in some cases it is simply a small additional turn-on, and in others it is a requirement for sexual gratification (Heathen, 2008).

Where the voyeur gains sexual pleasure from watching, the aural fetishist gains pleasure in hearing (Taylor, 2012).

To clarify, an auralist isn’t someone who merely likes and enjoys dirty talk, or really enjoys music.

An auralist is a person who experiences sound not as an enhancement to desire, but rather that sound itself is the erotic gateway.

The word auralism is a great choice to describe this phenomenon through an etymological lens.

“Auris” is Latin for ear, hence auralism relates to the practice/behaviour/philosophy of hearing/sound perception.

The Forgotten History of Erotic Sound

Although the name is new, the phenomenon of auralism is no doubt incredibly ancient.

We are a species of story tellers, and with the history of oral storytelling traditions, sacred chanting, prayers/mantras, erotic poetry, singing and music ...I am sure many of our ancestors were also auralists.

It’s not hard to imagine our distant homo species getting down in an aural way.

It’s fascinating to me that it has taken this long for the audio erotic pathway to have its own name (at least in English as far as I can see- if you know of a word for it in another language do let me know!).

Does auralism have a gender?

While precise demographic data on audio porn listeners remains limited, existing industry reports and cultural analyses consistently suggest that audio erotica attracts a significantly more female-skewed audience than mainstream visual pornography.

Erotica platforms were largely built around female audiences and are frequently described in media coverage as being dominated by women and non-binary listeners.

This contrasts sharply with mainstream visual pornography such as pornuhb, where reports suggest women typically comprise only around 25–38% of users.

The trend suggests that as erotic stimulation becomes less visually explicit and more psychologically immersive, auditory, and relational, female engagement increases substantially.

However, I feel it’s important to note here that men love sounds too.

I don’t want to give the impression that it is only women who enjoy erotic audio, as through my research I have found that there are many men who also fit the definition of an auralist.

Take this man’s account of his discovery of his auralism:

Was browsing Reddit I was a little horny and no video or image I found seemed to do the trick for me. Everything was too artificial, too much “porn studio” vibes , and I found it difficult to get aroused that way.
Then I find this subreddit called soundgasm about erotic material exclusively in audio format, and it piqued my curiosity.
I already knew that I have an inclination for enjoying seductive voice making provocative, diabolical and corrosive comments, sure, but never thought about the idea of consuming content where that was the whole focus.
At most, I thought it would be an interesting experiment for a monotonous night.
I had no idea that that night I would have one of my first orgasms where neither my hands nor my partner played a part in the action.
The audio that sealed my fate didn’t even have a script or a clear plot; it was a lady masturbating herself while babbling lustful nonsense with a gag between her lips.
The way her words were altered to sound more like primitive grunts with that gag and yet that didn’t stop her from talking and talking, wanting to express the pleasure of the flesh in sounds of drunken lust (as if wanting to express a divine message that she did not understand but felt intensely); it lit up the synapses of my brain like a fucking Christmas tree.
I came seconds after she took off the gag, turn off the toy and finished the audio.
Just remembering it still makes my heart race a little
Now I constantly search for audio where gags and mantra-like chants are the main attraction.
That activates my subspace in a way I hadn’t been able to reach before.

The auralist offerings out there are recognising this need for auralist experiences not solely focused on the feminine experience, and some are now offering inclusive auralist experiences for all individuals.

One such creator is callmephoenix, a voice actress turned erotic audio creator who says in her own words:

For me, erotic audio is about getting inside someone’s head. A voice can linger in your body long after the sound stops. Sometimes a whisper, a laugh, or the right tone can feel far more intimate than anything visual ever could.

I was lucky enough to dive deep into everything audio and aualism with her on an episode of my podcast The Erotic Realm- check it and her website out for a deep dive into the audio offerings out there for auralists.

Offerings such as what Phoenix provides, demonstrates that creators have recognised the need for building spaces for auralists— long before psychology or sexology has fully recognised them.

What do we know about auralists?

In short, not much.

You’re probably wondering how many men and women are actually into auralism? What is the experience of auralism like? What do we know about auralism in general?

There are surprisingly few studies on auralism thus far.

For decades, sexuality research has focused heavily on what we see.

Visual pornography.

Visual attraction.

Visual cues.

But what happens when desire enters through the ear first?

Emerging research across neuroscience, ASMR, music psychology, and sexual psychophysiology suggests that sound may play a far more powerful role in human erotic experience than we have previously acknowledged.

Studies have shown that music can activate the brain’s reward and emotional circuitry (Blood, Anne J. & Zatorre, Robert J., 2001), while ASMR research has demonstrated that auditory triggers can induce measurable shifts in physiology, affect, embodiment, and immersive “flow-like” states (Barratt, Emma L. & Davis, Nick J., 2015; Poerio, Giulia Lara et al., 2018).

Other studies have found that audio erotica alone can alter heart rate, emotional response, and subjective sexual arousal (Gao, Yue et al., 2023; Pfaus, James G. & Safron, Adam, 2024), while research into frisson and so-called “skin orgasms” suggests sound can move through the body in intensely visceral ways (Loui, Psyche et al., 2014).

Even more fascinatingly, research on non-genital orgasms suggests that orgasm itself may not be limited to direct physical stimulation at all (Komisaruk, Barry & Whipple, Beverly, 2011) i.e. some people can think themselves to orgasm!

Taken together and viewed alongside Taylor’s (2012) conceptual work on auralism and the erotic fetishisation of sound — a striking possibility begins to emerge: for some people, sound is not simply an accompaniment to desire.

It is the desire.

And what’s the strongest indicator of intense desire? Orgasm.

The idea of orgasm from sound alone is scientifically plausible AND reported by some auralists as we will explore….but it has not yet been directly demonstrated by the kind of experiment that would prove the phenomenon is real.

Despite the explosion of erotic audio online, including ASMR, audio porn and erotic stories, auralism remains almost entirely absent from mainstream sexology.

As an auralist myself, I’m on a mission to change that.

So what does one do when they notice a gap in the research and the need for a deeper exploration of a phenomena in sexual desire?

Create a survey to explore it of course.

The First Auralism Survey: Emerging Findings

So far over 90 respondents have filled out The Psychology of Erotic Sound: A Study of Auralism.

And I’m excited to share some of the preliminary findings with you here.

In this self-selected auralism sample, sound does not function merely as erotic decoration. For many respondents, it appears to function as a primary pathway into arousal, embodiment, emotional regulation, relational surrender, and yes, sometimes even orgasm.

As one would hypothesise based on audio erotics stats, the early findings from my own auralism survey also skewed toward women and femme-identifying respondents from anglo saxon countries.

The largest single country was the United States with 50 respondents (56.8%), followed by Australia with 13 (14.8%) and the United Kingdom with 7 (8.0%).

Neurodivergence

Large proportion identified as:

ADHD
autistic
AuDHD

Auralism may correlate with heightened sensory/emotional processing.

Introversion & Imagination

Most respondents:

introverted or ambiverted
highly imaginative
fantasy-oriented

Suggesting Auralism may involve immersive internal erotic processing.

Sound Sensitivity & Sound Oriented

As expected most respondents:

very sensitive or somewhat sensitive to sound and auditory input
noticed details in sounds that others often miss
most self identified as an auralist
many (approx 80%!) had a stronger response to sounds over visuals

Preferred Sounds

Respondents:

Preffered voice sounds such as sensuality, praise, storytelling and flirtation
Talking dirty was 5th most enjoyed voice sound
Over 50% enjoy sounds of objects not voices.
Interestingly only 1% most enjoyed sex sounds.

Emotional Effects of Sounds

Most common emotional responses:

comfort
transported
inspired
safety
controlled
feeling seen
embodied

Erotic sound may function not just as arousal—but as emotional regulation, attachment activation, and embodied resonance. Only 2 responded that they feel aroused by sound and only 1 turned on.

When asked to descibe specifically how sounds affect their emotions and thoughts respondents were incredibly varied in their responses, for example:

“It can really pull me into a single frame of focus on the person making the sounds.”
“My partner’s voice makes me feel safe and turned on.”
“Immersive fantasy painted by carefully selected words and voice quality.”
“My thoughts shut off and I can feel my emotions more strongly.”
“Movement and sound guide the momentum of eroticism building within me.”
“It’s all sorts of consuming”.

Although varied, one thing shines through in all of these descriptions- the intensity of the response the individual has to their preferred sound(s) and the focus on emotions and embodiment.

Where Does Sound Land in the Body?

Different people experience erotic sound in radically different body locations.

Common responses:

pelvis/genitals
chest/heart
stomach/gut
head/mind
spine
throat
whole-body tingling

Could it be that auralism may involve “somatic resonance mapping” — the body processing sound as emotion, power, attachment, erotic charge etc?

Perhaps the human nervous system is wired to experience voice as a form of emotional touch?

Something to ponder as the research continues…

What about the Big O?

We know from previous research that some people can think their way to orgasm without physical touch, but what about by sound alone?

the majority (55.4%) said they have either had an orgasm or near-orgasm influenced by sound or voice.

“He talked to me, and I felt buzzy and aroused and towards the climax of the story he was telling, my body clenched tightly and I came. It was the same physical sensation as a regular orgasm for me.”

“Listening to Tschaikowsky 5th symphony i came really hard without touching myself.”

This made me curious about how often Music was a central theme for the auralists in the survey…

What about Music?

Somewhat surprisingly to me, music wasn’t as high as I thought it would be. I’m not sure of the number I was exactly expecting, but based on the ASMR research and the focus of auralism research on music itself previously, I would have hypothesised higher. At the very least I wasn’t expecting almost 20% of respondents to say “rarely” and almost half to say “sometimes”. What about you?

I think if anything this demonstrates the focus on the voice and how erotic and central communication through voice is for auralists.

It appears that music is an important aspect of auralism to only some auralists….which brings me to one of the most exciting preliminary findings of the survey so far.

Emerging Auralist Archetypes

I asked respondents to explain in their own words the perfect aural experience, and some fascinating themes are beginning to emerge- including what appears to be auralist archetypes.

Yes it appears that there are multiple ‘types’ of auralists, and different auralists seek different sounds…I’d like to collect some more data before releasing these archetypes — 200 respondents or more, so please feel free to take the survey here or send the link to a friend you know that love sounds/post it in a forum where you feel it would be appreciated. The survey is currently at 92 respondents as of this writing, and I can’t wait to release more information about the emerging archetypes!

The Bigger Theory: Desire as Resonance

Could it be that auralism is not only about sound?

It may be also be about:

resonance
immersion
attention
attachment
nervous system entrainment
emotional synchronisation
symbolic activation

More on these in subsequent posts where we dive deeper into the data together.

For now, what is clear is that:

For some people, sound is not background to desire.
It is the erotic event.

Perhaps sexuality research has focused too heavily on what we see.

Because this data suggests clearly, that for some people atleast— desire enters through the ear first.

Auralism: a newly recognised erotic orientation?

For a surprising share of respondents, sound was not foreplay to desire…it was the route to arousal, embodiment, and sometimes orgasm itself.

People often talk about sexuality as if desire begins with what we see or what we touch.

But this survey suggests that for some people, desire begins somewhere else entirely: in a voice, a tone, a cadence, a rhythm, a sound that enters the body before it is ever fully understood by the mind.

What emerged from these responses was not just arousal, but a psychophysiology of erotic listening.

Respondents described feeling comforted, safe, transported, seen, possessed, embodied.

They mapped sound onto their pelvis, their chest, their skin, their spine, their throat, their whole bodies.

And more than half reported orgasm influenced primarily by sound or voice.

The published research has not yet caught up to this phenomenon directly.

There is no established body of peer-reviewed work on orgasm from sound alone as such (atleast as far as I’m aware of— send it my way if you find it!).

But there is already strong adjacent evidence that auditory cues shape sexual arousal, that audio-only erotica can be physiologically engaging, that ASMR and musical frisson are real embodied states, and that orgasm itself need not be confined to genital touch.

In that gap between lived experience and formal science, auralism begins to look less like a curiosity and more like a neglected category of desire.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting that everyone is secretly an auralist.

But it appears safe to say from this data that some people seem to process erotic experience through sound in a primary way.

For them, sound is not background. It is not embellishment. It is not an accessory to the erotic. It is one of the erotic event’s central languages.

As a proud auralist myself it’s exciting to explore this topic in depth, and I’m excited to see(hear?) where the findings from the survey take us next.

Stay tuned for the second release where we explore the findings in more depth — including the auralist archetypes.

For now, some questions to ponder:

Has reading about auralism made you think differently about the erotic potential of sound? If so, how?
How can you explore the use of sound in your eroticism in a way that you haven’t before?
Where do you feel sounds that you find sexy in your body?

Think you might also be an auralist? Contribute to this research here.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments if this article resonated with you or opened your mind to new ways of exploring.

Thanks for reading!

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm podcast

Want to explore the psychology of your desire?

Emma offers 1:1 coaching via application - Details here.

Or grab yourself your very own Desire Diary here.

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

Disclaimer: Some concepts discussed in this article remain under-researched and are presented as emerging exploratory frameworks.

References

Blood, Anne J., & Zatorre, Robert J.. (2001). Intensely pleasurable responses to music correlate with activity in brain regions implicated in reward and emotion. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 98(20), 11818–11823. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.191355898

Barratt, Emma L., & Davis, Nick J.. (2015). Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR): A flow-like mental state. PeerJ, 3, e851. https://doi.org/10.7717/peerj.851

Fisher, Danielle, et al. (2021). Audio described versus audiovisual pornography: Cortisol, heart rate and engagement in visually impaired versus sighted participants. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, Article 661452. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.661452

Fredborg, Beverley, Clark, Jennifer, & Smith, Stephen D.. (2017). An examination of personality traits associated with autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR). Frontiers in Psychology, 8, Article 247. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00247

Gao, Yue, et al. (2023). Distinct emotional and cardiac responses to audio erotica between genders. Behavioral Sciences, 13(3), 273. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs13030273

Komisaruk, Barry, & Whipple, Beverly. (2011). Non-genital orgasms. Sexologies, 20(3–4), e89–e90. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sexol.2011.08.004

Krahé, Barbara, et al. (2017). Misattribution of musical arousal increases sexual attraction towards opposite-sex faces in females. PLOS ONE, 12(9), e0183531. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0183531

Loui, Psyche, Wawrzynski, Joanna, & Nathanson, Rachel. (2014). Thrills, chills, frissons, and skin orgasms: Toward an integrative model of transcendent psychophysiological experiences in music. Frontiers in Psychology, 5, Article 790. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00790

McErlean, Amanda B., & Banissy, Michael J.. (2022). Beyond tingles: An exploratory qualitative study of the autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR). PLOS ONE, 17(11), e0277962. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0277962

Pfaus, James G., & Safron, Adam. (2024). Auditory cues alter the magnitude and valence of subjective sexual arousal and desire induced by an erotic video. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 53, 1045–1058. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-023-02802-4

Poerio, Giulia Lara, Blakey, Emma, Hostler, Thomas J., & Veltri, Tom. (2018). More than a feeling: Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is characterized by reliable changes in affect and physiology. PLOS ONE, 13(6), e0196645. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0196645

Taylor, Jodie. (2018). Sound desires: Auralism, the sexual fetishization of music. In F. J. Gadon & E. Peraino (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of music and queerness (pp. xx–xx). Oxford University Press

#97 Can Kink Heal Trauma? Power, Asexuality & TPE with Aidan Sunassee

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sun, 10 May 2026 01:44:32 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Aidan Sunassee — sexologist, researcher and Dominant to explore one of the most nuanced and controversial questions in BDSM psychology: can kink ever support healing from trauma?

We explore:

Can kink support healing from trauma?
Asexuality and erotic power.
Total Power Exchange and ethical dominance.
Intentional vs incidental trauma play.
Growth-oriented dominance vs control-based dominance.

Research article: Pleasure as a Catalyst for Post-Traumatic Growth and Courage Gain in Trauma Play

Supporters of The Erotic Realm - grab yourself an amazing product and support The Erotic Realm at no additional cost to you!

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Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
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The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#96 Kink Is My Superpower: Gay Leather, Erotic Freedom & Power with Race Bannon

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Thu, 07 May 2026 23:37:11 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Race Bannon — legendary BDSM educator, leatherman and author of Kink Is My Superpower to explore gay leather culture, power exchange, and the psychology of erotic freedom.

We explore:

Gay leather history and the evolution of BDSM culture.
Dominance, submission and the psychology of switching.
HIV, pup identities and changing queer erotic communities.
Kink as identity, belonging and liberation.
Can kink become a superpower?

VOTE for The Erotic Realm to win best podcast here. Thanks for voting!

Research article: Faeries, Bears, and Leathermen: Men in Community Queering the Masculine.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#95 The Science of Erections: Heart Health, Masculinity & Quantified Desire with Dr. Elliot Justin

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sat, 02 May 2026 04:25:09 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Dr. Elliot Justin, emergency physician and founder of FirmTech, to explore the surprising intersection of sexual wellness, preventative medicine and quantified desire.

We explore:

Erections as early cardiac warning signals.
The real definition of erectile dysfunction.
Five questions every man should ask about erectile health.
Sextech, intimacy wearables and quantified desire.
Can kinky communities and biohackers use erection tracking too?

VOTE for The Erotic Realm to win best podcast here. Thanks for voting!

Research article: Erectile dysfunction as a harbinger for increased cardiometabolic risk.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support

Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#94 The Kink Shrink: Consent, Power & Erotic Accountability with Debs

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 23:11:33 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Deb (The Kink Shrink) — therapist, educator and long-time kink practitioner to explore the psychology of consent, accountability and mature power exchange.

We explore:

Consent versus embodied accountability.
BDSM, therapy and clinician bias.
Free will, law and ethical power exchange.
Compassion, boundaries and mature submission.
What kink culture gets right — and where it struggles.

Research article: Investigating Bias in Psychotherapy with BDSM Clients.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#93 The Neurodivergent Sadist: Autism, Power & Kink Evolution with Umbra

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sat, 25 Apr 2026 07:12:33 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Umbra — a Dominant, sadist, and long-time kink practitioner to explore the psychology of neurodivergent desire and the evolution of kink across decades.

We explore:

Autism, neurodivergence & erotic identity.
BDSM as structure, communication & sensory regulation.
Sadism, bastinado & the psychology of impact play.
Finding your tribe in kink communities.
How kink has evolved from underground scenes to global networks.

VOTE for The Erotic Realm to win best podcast here. Thanks for voting!

Research article: Stimulation and Stimming: S&M on the Spectrum.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#92 Decolonizing Sex: Sacred BDSM, Black Love & Erotic Power with King Noire

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Tue, 21 Apr 2026 22:05:41 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by King Noire — award-winning performer, educator, and founder of Royal Fetish Films — to explore the intersection of BDSM, culture, and identity. We unpack how sexuality is shaped by history, race, and power — and what it looks like to reclaim erotic expression in a way that is intentional, ethical, and culturally aware.

VOTE for The Erotic Realm to win best podcast here. Thanks for voting!

We explore:

Decolonizing sex and reclaiming erotic identity.
BDSM as connection, not just power or pain.
Black love, representation, and cultural narratives.
Sacred sex and erotic storytelling.
Creativity, music, and dominance.

Research article: Hormonal Changes and Couple Bonding in Consensual Sadomasochistic Activity.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#91 The Intimacy Paradox: Vulnerability, Safety & Desire with Rachel Dorneanu

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sat, 18 Apr 2026 03:29:37 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Rachel Dorneanu — relationship and sex therapist — to explore the psychology of intimacy, vulnerability, and emotional connection.

We explore:

Vulnerability and emotional safety in relationships.
Conservative upbringing and sexual shame.
Communication and what makes a “safe partner”.
Arranged marriages and cultural dynamics.
Highly Sensitive People and intimacy.

Research Article: Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and Its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality.

The Erotic Realm is nominated for best podcast at the Australian Adult Industry Awards! Want to help it win? Vote here. Thanks for voting!

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#90 The Banned Sex Educator: Film, Shame & Sexual Freedom with Dr. Mark Schoen

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 23:14:41 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Mark Schoen — sex educator, filmmaker, and founder of SexSmartFilms — to explore what decades of teaching human sexuality have revealed about shame, censorship, and sexual freedom.

We explore:

What decades of sex education have taught Mark about desire.
Banned books, censorship, and why sexual honesty still scares people.
How film can teach what classrooms often miss.
Cultural differences in sexual messaging.
Mark’s work with William Masters, Betty Dodson, and his transgender film project.

Research Article: X-Rated: Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors Associated With U.S. Adolescents’ Exposure to Sexually Explicit Media.

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

Not ready to subscribe but you would like to support Emma’s mission and give a tip?

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#89 The Asexual Dominant: Female Dominance, Power & Desire with GoddessMey

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 23:00:27 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by GoddessMey — a dominant, sadomasochist, and asexual-spectrum kinkster — to explore the intersection of asexuality and BDSM.

We explore:

Asexuality and erotic identity.
Female dominance and power exchange.
Sadism, masochism, and sensation.
Ethical findom and consent.
Redefining desire beyond attraction.

Research Article: Asexuality: prevalence and associated factors in a national probability sample.

Love erotica? Don’t forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any erotic audio! use as many times as you like.

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

Not ready to subscribe but you would like to support Emma’s mission and give a tip?

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#88 The Dominant CEO: Ethical Power & Erotic Leadership with Leadfromfront

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 14:31:06 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Leadfromfront — a 75-year-old retired CEO and Dominant — to explore the psychology of power, leadership, and ethical authority.

We explore:

Leadership vs domination in BDSM.
Consent as the foundation of power.
The difference between hurt and harm.
Ethical sadism and attunement.
Aging, desire, and erotic longevity.

Research book: The Power Paradox: How We Gain and Lose Influence.

Love erotica? Don’t forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any erotic audio! use as many times as you like.

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

Not ready to subscribe but you would like to support Emma’s mission and give a tip?

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think

And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:

#87 No Children, No Shame: Sterilisation, Sex Work & Erotic Freedom with Katija Cortez

Emma | Psychology of Desire — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 14:31:35 GMT

You can listen to this episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

The Erotic Realm podcast explores eroticism in all its forms, including the darker desires of BDSM and kinky sexuality. It’s mission is to humanise eroticism one erotic realm at a time.

In this episode I’m joined by Katija Cortez — a submissive, content creator, and professional girlfriend — to explore female autonomy, sterilisation, and the psychology of erotic agency.

We explore:

Sterilisation and voluntary childlessness.
Stigma, autonomy, and cultural expectations.
Sex work, desire, and emotional connection.
The paradox of being both sovereign and submissive.
How choice reshapes erotic identity.

Research article: Stigma Management Among the Voluntarily Childless.

Love erotica? Don’t forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any erotic audio! use as many times as you like.

Introducing a new friend of the show Lovense! They have incredible award winning products, including for kinksters! Check them out here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

Apply to be on The Erotic Realm podcast here.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm

Not ready to subscribe but you would like to support Emma’s mission and give a tip?

The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.

p.s Want to explore my writing?

The Psychology of Desire Case File Series:

Free Giveaway & What’s happening in the Psychology of Desire Realm: The Desire Dispatch #01– June Edition

The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams

The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1

What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires

What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think