Are Men and Women Wired Differently for Desire?
What Neuroscience and Psychology Reveal About How the Sexes Experience Desire.
This week I’d like to explore 3 questions:
Are there sex differences in sexual desire?
If so, what are they?
How might these differences be demonstrated in places of sexual desire i.e. strip clubs
And in purchasing of items of sexual desire i.e. erotica
How can you explore the pattern of your desire?
Let's consider the first question.
Are men and women actually different when it comes to sexual desire?
We often hear that men and women want different things.
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc etc….
Let’s imagine for a minute that Men and Women are different when it comes to Sexual Desire.
This might explain some of the confusion that we encounter when it comes to dating and relationships, right?
When pondering this question I wanted to break it down to its purest, non-biased form.
How could we test this idea as scientifically as possible?
The most objective idea I came up with was to focus on brain differences.
And, specifically cognition.
The question therefore becomes:
Do men and women differ when it comes to the cognition of desire?
It turns out, two interesting differences have been found.
How stimulated men and women are by sexual stimuli
How flexible men and women are in what they find sexually stimulating
How is this explored?
Through Sexual Psychophysiology.
Sexual psychophysiology is an exciting area of research as it combines two of my favourite things: researching the connection of psychological processes with physical signals AND sexuality.
For example: studies have compared the amount of brain resources, i.e attention paid to different sexual images.
When measuring Men’s versus Women’s reaction to sexual images, studies have found that men tend to have a greater reaction than women to their preferred stimuli (i.e heterosexual porn if straight etc).
Of course there are individual differences, where some women had greater reactions than some men but overall:
Men were more stimulated by visual images than women.
Sexual psychophysiology research has also shown that women showed responses to a much wider array of visual images than men.
For example women’s vaginal amplitudes increased when seeing images of bonobos mating- regardless of whether or not the women reported finding the images erotic.
This has led some researchers to conclude that:
Women are more erotically flexible than men.
(There’s much more to say about this area of research but we will leave that for another Vault).
Another interesting finding In terms of vaginal amplitude was the marked response in amplitude occurring mere seconds after seeing an image.
This finding suggests that processing of sexual images is somewhat unconscious and automatic.
Which is a fascinating finding when thinking about the cognition of desire.
Perhaps we all have a desire template that is somewhat automatic?
Have you ever wondered about your desire, and if some of it occurs before or after thought?
Something to ponder perhaps…
Regardless, this is an incredibly interesting area of research that warrants much more investigation.
All studies have limitations.
So far research has focused on visual images- it’s very possible that men and women differ in terms of the types of sensory input that they find more appealing.
Maybe men would be more flexible in their responses to another type of sensory input such as touch?
Maybe women would have a greater reaction than men to a different type of sensory input such as auditory?
There’s a lot more research to be done in the area.
Unfortunately some of it is difficult to do- touch research is hard to get through ethics approval for example.
So, what’s another way we can explore sex differences in sexual desire?
Where else can we witness sexual desire in all of it’s glory?
Porn and Strip Clubs.
Men consume more visual porn than women.
Most people know this.
But did you also know that Women consume more audio porn than men?
Some assume that this is because of audio porn often being more focused on female pleasure, which is no doubt a huge part of it.
But, what if another aspect of it is the mode of delivery?
Perhaps women are more drawn to the auditory aspect over visual porn?
Strip clubs seem to back up this hypothesis.
Heterosexual male vs lesbian strip clubs
What better way to explore some of the differences between men and women than in an experiential way by exploring and contrasting the two types of strip clubs.
What comes to mind when you imagine how the two are set up?
Can you imagine the differences and similarities between the two?
The biggest difference I found was in the sensory mode of delivery.
As most of you would know, the straight male focused strip club focuses on the visual, watching women dance on stages and enjoying the sights.
The lesbian strip club was rather different.
The main show of the night- a lap dance performance was paired with spoken erotica.
The visual component was there, but the auditory seemed just as, if not more important.
My experiences seem to back up both the research and the marketing data.
Men are more visual creatures and women more auditory.
What does this all mean for you?
It’s important to note that at this stage in the research process we can’t be sure about whether or not sex differences come from biological, psychological or cultural differences.
We emphasise men being visual creatures in our society, perhaps that has an impact on their preference?
However would purely social impact account for the huge difference in how the sexes consume porn? I.e visual vs audio erotica
It’s an exciting time in this area of science as there is still so much more to learn.
We have barely touched the surface in this Vault.
So far science isn’t sure of how desire works.
However,
I am SURE that there are differences on an individual level in processing sexual stimuli.
Some people have a preference for visual, others auditory, others touch, and even smell.
This theory comes from my own research, interviewing thousands of individuals about their desire templates over the course of the last 8 years.
Of course, there are individual differences and I’m not suggesting that there is a one fits all mould for sexuality.
In fact, no individual is exactly like any other.
The interesting part is the patterning of desire.
My upcoming theory of eroticism is an attempt to understand this patterning, and to provide an easy to relate to template as a way for you to explore their eroticism.
But more about this another time.
For now let’s consider, what’s your pattern?
Are you a visual creature or more audio?
Do you fit the hypothesis that men are more visual and women are more auditory?
See if you can notice any subtle or not so subtle differences in how eroticism shows up between men and women over the next week or so.
Seek out a different form of exploring eroticism than your standard and see what happens.
i.e. visual if you’re an audio person, audio if you’re a visual person
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Emma
Want to explore my other writing?
Why Your Desires Are More Normal Than You Think.
What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?
The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think
References
Chivers, M. L., Rieger, G., Latty, E., & Bailey, J. M. (2004). A sex difference in the specificity of sexual arousal. Psychological Science, 15, 736–744.
https://www.besthealthmag.ca/article/audio-porn-for-women/
I've noticed a lot of people have shared this article so far! Thank you. I'm curious why are you sharing it? Is it to discuss with a partner? So keen to hear!
This is great! Thank you! This helped me learn a lot about myself!