Consent Doesn’t Have a Gender
Unspoken Desires: #01 | What happened when a woman crossed my boundaries after I spoke up about misandry.
Welcome to the first of the Unspoken Desires series.
I asked whether you were ready to explore the uncomfortable—and you said yes. So today, I’m releasing the first piece in the Unspoken Desires series: a personal story that raised deeper questions about power, gender, and the consent we expect—and the consent we ignore.
In this series, I explore the psychology of hidden desires—those shaped by power, trauma, identity, and the unspoken rules of culture.
Not all are erotic, but all are revealing.
This post explores a complex topic through a psychological lens.
It’s not a condemnation of any group, but a reflection on the unspoken tensions that shape our cultural narratives around desire, pain, and power.
This post touches on sensitive themes and is meant to invite discussion, not division. If you're reading this, thank you for engaging in nuance with me.
Read on—if you're comfortable with the uncomfortable.
As I’ve aged, I’ve tried to be the kind of person who speaks up—not in an aggressive way, but in the kind of way that plants a small seed of disruption in moments where something feels off.
Over the weekend, I was standing in line at a social event when I overheard the woman behind me loudly telling a man how much she hated men.
Not jokingly.
Not ironically.
Just… loudly.
I said something.
Because I always try to.
I said something because my male partner was standing next to me and I imagined what I would want him to do if the tables were turned.
Would I want him to stand there quietly while a man loudly proclaimed how much he hated women to a woman beside me and within my ear shot?
Definitely not.
I said something because as a woman to woman I felt obliged to do it.
I said something because I grew up around many women who said terrible things about men and it took me a long time to realise men had feelings too (as embarrassing as that is to admit).
I said something because I’ve been mistreated by men (and mistreated them) in the past but I don’t think hating half of the population is the answer to moving forward.
Because I believe if we want men to speak up when their mates say something misogynistic, we should do the same when women do the same in reverse.
I calmly reflected the double standard:
Imagine if a man loudly told a woman he hated women, right behind her in line.
Would that feel safe?
I continued:
I love my partner, he is a man and I think he is a beautiful person.
She didn’t like being challenged.
She deflected, laughed it off, got defensive, and we volleyed a few lines back and forth.
But then something strange happened.
She looked at my partner and asked, loudly and publicly, “Can I touch her ass?”
He didn’t speak for me but he turned to her and said, “You’d have to ask her.”
She didn’t ask me but looked at me.
I said no.
And… she did it anyway!!