The Jung of Sex | The Erotic Mirror
Desire Isn’t Random. It’s a Reflection of You.
Remember that time when you locked eyes with a stranger and felt a wave of sexual energy throughout your body?
It’s an incredibly powerful feeling.
One that might have stayed with you for years.
Have you ever wondered why this happens?
Why do we instantly, intensely desire some people?
It doesn’t happen with everyone, so why them?
There’s something raw about intense attraction.
It’s not just desire it stirs, but something much deeper.
This week in The Jung of Sex series, we’re looking into the erotic mirror, where our deepest desires reflect back the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden, rejected, or forgotten.
The Mirror of Anima and Animus
Jung believed that we each carry an inner image of the opposite sex in our psyche.
For men, this is known as the anima, and for women the animus.
The anima and animus are both images of the ideal, which are personified in dreams as well as in real life by the opposite sex. They serve to guide and inspire, but also to deceive.
— C. Jung, Collected Works
These archetypes live in the unconscious and often show up in our erotic lives first-as fantasy, obsession, or intense attraction.
When we intensely desire someone we may not be desiring the person in front of us but rather our own projected image.
A lost part of ourselves.
The anima and animus aren’t just romantic filters.
They are symbolic guides to your unconscious.
Desire stirs not only for another, but for wholeness of yourself.
Erotic Projection: Desire as a Clue to the Self
You know those people who just get under your skin? The ones who you like even though you can’t explain, even if they’re totally wrong for you?
That’s not random.
Erotic projection is when you unconsciously assign your own unrecognised qualities, such as your desires, shadows, or wounds to another person.
You’re not just seeing them.
You’re seeing a missing part of you.
Maybe you’ve repressed your confidence and keep falling for loud, rule breaking types.
Maybe you’ve disowned your ambition and find yourself attracted to powerful, successful people.
It’s not just chemistry. It’s information.
Desire itself is trying to tell you something.
Desire and the Shadow
It’s not just the sweet stuff we project it’s also the dark, messy, unspeakable stuff too.
Desire often points us straight to our shadow, that is the parts of ourselves we’re ashamed of, scared of, or socially trained to suppress.
That’s why what we crave can sometimes feel dangerous. Or taboo. Or out of character.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” - Carl Jung
I’d like to expand this sentiment and suggest that the opposite is also true.
Everything that turns us on about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
When we don’t integrate these shadow parts, they show up in desire.
And if we’re not conscious of them, they can lead us into compulsions, chaos, or painful relationships that we mistake for fate (haven’t we all been there before- I know I have?!).
Reading the Erotic Mirror
So, if desire is a mirror, how do you read it?
Start by noticing the patterns in your desire:
Who are you drawn to again and again?
What traits seem to repeat?
Are you attracted to what you admire, what you repress or both?
Then ask: What is this person or fantasy trying to show me about myself?
When we stop worrying about whether or not our desires are normal, taboo, or morally correct, and start getting curious about them instead, something shifts.
We stop being driven by our desires, and start being informed by them.
In other words
Don’t be led by your desires, become fed by them instead.
LedFed by your desires.
Can you feel the power in that reframe of desire?
What Your Desire is Really Reflecting
Desire isn’t just about who you want.
It’s about who you’re becoming.
Our attractions aren’t random.
They are messages from our psyche.
Invitations.
Warnings.
Reflections.
Jung was well ahead of his time as he didn’t pathologise desire.
He celebrated desire.
Jung saw desire as a path to individuation.
A way of reclaiming the fragmented parts of ourselves.
This is the what I mean by the erotic mirror.
So, What does your erotic mirror show you?
Drop a comment and tell me:
Have you ever realised that a person you desired was reflecting a part of you?
What have your attractions taught you about your inner world?
What do you think your desires are trying to integrate?
I’ll be reading and replying all week. Let’s explore.
Stay tuned for next weeks topic:
The Jung of Sex | The Archetypes of Erotic Desire
And if you missed it, here is the first two writings of the Jung of Sex series:
The Jung of Sex | The Individuation of Desire
The Jung of Sex | The Alchemy of Libido
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Emma
p.s want to explore my other writing?
Why Your Desires Are More Normal Than You Think.
What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?
Holy cow, I’m so grateful for writing like this! I must have been reading/listening in the wrong places until now; most internet sexology writing/podcasts I’ve been tuning into end up feeling… too vague but also too obvious? But not THIS Substack! I’m learning so much *and* it’s all very practical! Thank you for what you do!🥹
Thanks for posting this informative and provocative essay. Although I dare not place myself on so elevated a level, I have been influenced by my study of and reflections on reincarnation; more specifically, "soul fractions." I now believe that some of our attractions (and repulsions) may actually arise from karmic influences as well as repression.
However, the principles appear identical, and the attraction may indeed arise when we "unconsciously assign [our] own unrecognized qualities, such as [our] desires, shadows, or wounds to another person." The question is merely whether these are "unrecognized qualities" from this lifetime or prior energies...