26 Comments
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Noah Stephenson's avatar

Holy cow, I’m so grateful for writing like this! I must have been reading/listening in the wrong places until now; most internet sexology writing/podcasts I’ve been tuning into end up feeling… too vague but also too obvious? But not THIS Substack! I’m learning so much *and* it’s all very practical! Thank you for what you do!🥹

Emma | Psychology of Desire's avatar

wow I'm blown away by such strong compliments, thank you! Your love of my work so far will keep me motivated to keep going. Did you take a listen of the podcast? Keen to hear what you think of it!

Noah Stephenson's avatar

I should listen to it too! I’ll be reporting back, I suppose😁

Lenny Cavallaro's avatar

Thanks for posting this informative and provocative essay. Although I dare not place myself on so elevated a level, I have been influenced by my study of and reflections on reincarnation; more specifically, "soul fractions." I now believe that some of our attractions (and repulsions) may actually arise from karmic influences as well as repression.

However, the principles appear identical, and the attraction may indeed arise when we "unconsciously assign [our] own unrecognized qualities, such as [our] desires, shadows, or wounds to another person." The question is merely whether these are "unrecognized qualities" from this lifetime or prior energies...

Emma | Psychology of Desire's avatar

Thanks Lenny! You've stepped into territory I am unfamiliar with as I haven't explored reincarnation, but I do definitely agree with you that there does seem to be some kind of pattern to our attractions.

Lenny Cavallaro's avatar

Indeed, and let's give credit to Jung for bringing this possibility to our attention!

Robert Rippee PhD's avatar

Fascinating. Recently finished Sapolsky’s Behave and Determined. His theories on the role of neurscience in decisions we make, causes me to reflect on the congergence with this interesting essay.

Robert Rippee PhD's avatar

I earned my PhD in Hospitality Administration but I run UNLV’s Innovation Labs.

Emma | Psychology of Desire's avatar

Ooo in what way? Is that the neuroscience that suggests we make decisions without conscious thought at times?

Robert Rippee PhD's avatar

Precisely, in Determined, Sapolsky presents evidence that aspects of the brain are engaged in response to a stimulus prior to our awareness of the need to make a decision. His primary thesis is that Free Will does not exist.

Emma | Psychology of Desire's avatar

Incredibly fascinating, right! the idea that our choices are predetermined and we decide they aren't after the fact with our so called logical mind is..mind blowing. If it's true, it suggests that what we desire is also the same. Something I have witnessed in many of my clients, and myself. How about you?

Robert Rippee PhD's avatar

Well I don’t have clients but your article caused reflection. What we desire is a product of biological and environmental forces that we do not control, particularly areas like dopamine pathways, which he indicates are connected to motivation and the anticipation of pleasure.

Emma | Psychology of Desire's avatar

yes I agree! what's your area of expertise Robert? I see you have a PhD, what in?

Bill Suefert's avatar

Wow very interesting thank you so much for all your posts!

Celinne's avatar

Wow omg!! Thank you Emma! I felt the desire and eroticism while reading this. I loved listening to you read it.

Light bulb moment at the part where we get attracted to something because we recognize it within us and they serve as clues to become our full selves. So beautiful!

Desire & ecstasy is a gateway to feeling powerful and unstoppable

Emma | Psychology of Desire's avatar

Thanks Celinne! reading that you had a lightbulb moment made my morning!

Adrian's avatar

I can understand why Jung would follow down this thinking, I certainly can see elements of this reflected in my own life. Someone once said to me that my inner fem is a lesbian, and this adds to the debate of how I feel and interact with the people around me

Adrian's avatar

She was a creative free and spirited sapphic from the West Coast of America. A photographer by profession and a writer by night. She lived in a world where she minimised contact with men. A cat lady and a spider girl. Sexually she was a switch at times depending which lady she was with, but for me I saw her as a loving dominant. I met her through an online writing group - I occasionally scribble bits of poetry - and we connected through our words. I was in a dark place emotionally and she taught me how to love myself and that it was possible to love others. Whilst we never met physically, our depth of trust and emotional support was immense, and we were there for each other.

We would play with each other using words and occasional phone calls. She was the most sexually vibrant person that I ever knew.

Sadly she passed away. But those years I spent with her, were amongst the most lovely.

Emma | Psychology of Desire's avatar

so sorry for your loss. thanks for sharing your story so openly. it was beautiful to read

Adrian's avatar

Make of this what you will, this I what I wrote in my grief at her passing

Give me ears to hear, and let the eyes of my heart see those moments

when you traced your hand over my life

I know that you were motivated to live in love because you loved me

And I want to share you with the world, because you loved me like no other

I am me, because you were you

You laid down foundations on which I could build

You taught me family

You gave me my place

I am richer because I have been bathed in your love

Now I teeter on the brink of grief, feeling it swallow me whole

As your body now rests

I think of the miracle of each body that breathes, moves, hungers and digests

see’s and hears, is creased and wrinkled, shrinks in hurt, swells in pleasure

That works by the most amazing messages of what and when and how

coded within each cell

And in my grief I give thanks for you my friend

The sadness is for me that she never heard me say these words

Rainy1's avatar

This was really good to know.😌 What parts of myself do I see in the person I desire.

Chris Grey's avatar

Sex? Or did you mean, six in German? [[|:-D