Mainly the part about how we turn a word of to that of agency agency rather than degradation, like being slut in now times can be used as empowerment in sexual autonomy
Thank you for this fascinating post and your impressive scholarship. I must applaud and comment on three parts of the essay in particular:
(1) << Their experiences are captured by the term *compersion*: the capacity to feel joy through another’s joy. >>
This is also seen in "pure" sadomasochism -- i.e., S/M in which the Top does not orgasm (although the bottom may) but truly feels joy and sexual fulfillment through the pleasure given to the masochist. Here, the Top should display "a state of endorphin- and dopamine-rich euphoria," although I am unaware of clinical studies that confirm my hypothesis. [Please share them if you know of any!]
(2) << From my perspective of erotic psychology, these dynamics are not symptoms to be corrected but rituals of transformation. >>
I agree with you completely, and I am delighted that you used the term, "rituals."
(3) Finally, I absolutely LOVE the verb, to "parold," and the gerund derived therefrom, "parolding."
What I think is unfortunate is that cuckold refers to a man who is oblivious to his wife’s infidelity or otherwise unhappy about it.
It is going through a semantic shift to mean an acquiescent or enthusiastic husband. It should be unnecessary as there is a word with that exact meaning - wittol.
Thanks for your comment Robert, I hear what you are saying in terms of wittol - however the definition of wittol is a man who knowingly tolerates his wife's infidelity, and I don't feel that is the same as the phenomenon that I have described in the article. A parold is part of the exploration of the wife, and there is no infidelity happening, it is a structured exploration that often brings them closer and is an experience that has far more positive attributes than that of toleration.
I always understood the word wittol to describe a husband enthusiastic about his wife’s infidelity. It is a word fading into history as it is given the kiss of death by being labeled archaic.
Quite possibly! The definition I found mentioned tolerating so it has probably changed over time as words do. I'm curious what did you think about the article in general?
what separates this from most writing on the topic is that you did not start from a moral position. you started from a psychological one. the question is not whether cuckolding is acceptable but what it reveals about the architecture of desire - specifically, that jealousy and arousal share neural real estate. the brain does not always distinguish between threat and excitement. it processes both as intensity.
the part most people cannot face is that compersion - the pleasure taken in a partner's pleasure with someone else - is not the absence of jealousy. it is jealousy metabolized into something else. the raw material is the same. the processing is different. and the people who are drawn to this dynamic are often the ones who have discovered that their arousal system responds to emotional danger the way other people's systems respond to physical stimulation. the risk is the aphrodisiac. the witnessing is the intimacy.
this is the kind of piece that will make uncomfortable people angrier at the writer than at their own discomfort.
You approach it with such openness, compassion, and integrity. Your words resonate with me in many ways but how you see the beauty in desire underneath the actions is what made this piece for me.
Amazing! And I loved your word choice too: Parolding 👌🏻 I see how this could be used across many niches within the power/witness fantasy dynamics.
What a great post, so sorry I only came across it now.
As a couple traversing the ENM universe, we find ourselves in situations that closely resemble cuckolding (still getting my head around parolding) that, like all the other play activities we indulge in, is all about celebrating the beauty of sexual agency.
Fascinating essay! I’m curious what you think about people who are naturally aroused by such fantasies, but find the fantasies also have a negative impact on their sense of self. Like the jealousy and compersion turns them on, but simultaneously contributes to lowering their confidence. Could it be a symptom of low self-esteem instead of just a kink?
What a fascinating piece. I read it while reflecting on poor Cedric of Thistlecock's first night back home after being raised in innocent chastity by the Blue-balled Brotherhood.
There are few scholars who understand the unique discomfort of a lad whose mother is both the toast of the village and, by all appearances, the toast rack too.
Your mention of humiliation and devotion reminded me of Lord Thistlecock, who sits at his own table like a stag in the headlights, the only man in the castle who can’t tell his horns from his antlers from his crown.
Meanwhile, Cedric's observation of his mother's service to the village leads to the epiphany that the stained glass he’s spent years meditating upon at the monestary is actually depicting the story of Oedipus.
Thank you for a thought-provoking essay. If you ever visit Thistlecock, I would recommend bringing a towel.
Yours,
Prof. (suspended) Cordelia Knaque
Dept. of Grailcock Studies | Fleshminster University
This is such a great post - cuckolding is some of the most sought-after erotica and I think this goes a long way to helping understand why.
"In fact, I challenge you to name something that no one, anywhere, has ever eroticised (and please tell me when you find it)!"
Air Conditioner?
Notice board?
Cliff?
People fall in love with inanimate objects and natural objects all the time…
You are just absolutely fascinating in your take if the subject! Thank you!
I love your piece so much.
Thank you! I'm curious to hear what stood out to you if you're happy to share?
Mainly the part about how we turn a word of to that of agency agency rather than degradation, like being slut in now times can be used as empowerment in sexual autonomy
Thank you for this fascinating post and your impressive scholarship. I must applaud and comment on three parts of the essay in particular:
(1) << Their experiences are captured by the term *compersion*: the capacity to feel joy through another’s joy. >>
This is also seen in "pure" sadomasochism -- i.e., S/M in which the Top does not orgasm (although the bottom may) but truly feels joy and sexual fulfillment through the pleasure given to the masochist. Here, the Top should display "a state of endorphin- and dopamine-rich euphoria," although I am unaware of clinical studies that confirm my hypothesis. [Please share them if you know of any!]
(2) << From my perspective of erotic psychology, these dynamics are not symptoms to be corrected but rituals of transformation. >>
I agree with you completely, and I am delighted that you used the term, "rituals."
(3) Finally, I absolutely LOVE the verb, to "parold," and the gerund derived therefrom, "parolding."
*BRAVA*!
What I think is unfortunate is that cuckold refers to a man who is oblivious to his wife’s infidelity or otherwise unhappy about it.
It is going through a semantic shift to mean an acquiescent or enthusiastic husband. It should be unnecessary as there is a word with that exact meaning - wittol.
Thanks for your comment Robert, I hear what you are saying in terms of wittol - however the definition of wittol is a man who knowingly tolerates his wife's infidelity, and I don't feel that is the same as the phenomenon that I have described in the article. A parold is part of the exploration of the wife, and there is no infidelity happening, it is a structured exploration that often brings them closer and is an experience that has far more positive attributes than that of toleration.
I always understood the word wittol to describe a husband enthusiastic about his wife’s infidelity. It is a word fading into history as it is given the kiss of death by being labeled archaic.
Quite possibly! The definition I found mentioned tolerating so it has probably changed over time as words do. I'm curious what did you think about the article in general?
what separates this from most writing on the topic is that you did not start from a moral position. you started from a psychological one. the question is not whether cuckolding is acceptable but what it reveals about the architecture of desire - specifically, that jealousy and arousal share neural real estate. the brain does not always distinguish between threat and excitement. it processes both as intensity.
the part most people cannot face is that compersion - the pleasure taken in a partner's pleasure with someone else - is not the absence of jealousy. it is jealousy metabolized into something else. the raw material is the same. the processing is different. and the people who are drawn to this dynamic are often the ones who have discovered that their arousal system responds to emotional danger the way other people's systems respond to physical stimulation. the risk is the aphrodisiac. the witnessing is the intimacy.
this is the kind of piece that will make uncomfortable people angrier at the writer than at their own discomfort.
I fucking love your writing! 😍🙌🏻
You approach it with such openness, compassion, and integrity. Your words resonate with me in many ways but how you see the beauty in desire underneath the actions is what made this piece for me.
Amazing! And I loved your word choice too: Parolding 👌🏻 I see how this could be used across many niches within the power/witness fantasy dynamics.
What a great post, so sorry I only came across it now.
As a couple traversing the ENM universe, we find ourselves in situations that closely resemble cuckolding (still getting my head around parolding) that, like all the other play activities we indulge in, is all about celebrating the beauty of sexual agency.
Fascinating essay! I’m curious what you think about people who are naturally aroused by such fantasies, but find the fantasies also have a negative impact on their sense of self. Like the jealousy and compersion turns them on, but simultaneously contributes to lowering their confidence. Could it be a symptom of low self-esteem instead of just a kink?
Dear Emma,
What a fascinating piece. I read it while reflecting on poor Cedric of Thistlecock's first night back home after being raised in innocent chastity by the Blue-balled Brotherhood.
There are few scholars who understand the unique discomfort of a lad whose mother is both the toast of the village and, by all appearances, the toast rack too.
Your mention of humiliation and devotion reminded me of Lord Thistlecock, who sits at his own table like a stag in the headlights, the only man in the castle who can’t tell his horns from his antlers from his crown.
Meanwhile, Cedric's observation of his mother's service to the village leads to the epiphany that the stained glass he’s spent years meditating upon at the monestary is actually depicting the story of Oedipus.
Thank you for a thought-provoking essay. If you ever visit Thistlecock, I would recommend bringing a towel.
Yours,
Prof. (suspended) Cordelia Knaque
Dept. of Grailcock Studies | Fleshminster University