What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?

Research Shatters Gender Stereotypes About Cheating, Sex, and Commitment

Men cheat. Women are loyal.

Men need to sow their seeds. Women need to forgive.

Boys will be boys. Girls mature faster.

These are stories we often hear about men and women and they no doubt shape our relationship expectations.

But as it turns out, these assumptions do not hold up under scrutiny.

Research is shattering these old stereotypes, and the results are more interesting and complex than the clichés we’ve been fed.

Women Cheat as Much as Men—Given Equal Resources

A fascinating study by Lammers et al. (2011) published in Psychological Science found that power, rather than gender, is a significant predictor of infidelity.

The research revealed that as individuals gain more power, their likelihood of engaging in infidelity increases.

In other words…

Women cheat at similar rates as men.

Think about what that means: women aren't inherently more virtuous or faithful than men.

And conversely, men aren’t more sex hungry or immoral than women.

Instead, women's behaviour has been constrained by external factors like economic dependence and cultural norms.

If I had to, I’d bet on economic dependence being the biggest factor.

Seems like as soon as a woman can pay for her own drinks, car, and rent, she can also afford her very own Mistress(I realised while writing this that women don't have their own equivalent term for Mistress, which further proves the gendered notions of cheating!).

Evolutionary psychologists often argue that men and women have different mating strategies (more on this another time), but this research suggests that when the playing field is levelled, those differences might be much smaller than we think.

This research suggests that given the opportunity women are

just as adventurous,

just as likely to seek novelty,

and just as capable of juggling complex dynamics as men.

It is the opportunity for cheating that is the determining factor here.

Not gender.

Sexual Satisfaction and Long-Term Strategies

Next up it’s Men’s turn.

Imagine two men: one is playing the field, different lovers, casual affairs and hookups of the weekend. The second is in a relationship.

Which of the two would you guess is having the most satisfying sex?

The single guy right? Wrong.

A 2024 study by Merritt et al., published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior revealed that men report greater sexual satisfaction in relationships compared to casual flings or hookups.

This challenges the stereotype of men as “sex-first” creatures who thrive on variety and detachment.

Men had better:

• desire

• arousal

• erection

• orgasm

• and satisfaction

when in a relationship!

The implication? Men, on average, might be more inclined toward long-term mating strategies than popular culture suggests.

It seems relationship stability provides a context for sexual satisfaction that casual encounters often lack.

So much for the idea that commitment is something men reluctantly "agree to" because of societal expectations or pressure from their partners.

So, What Does This Mean for Us?

These findings beg the question: how much of what we "know" about men and women is actually just cultural conditioning?

If women cheat as much as men when they have the means, and men find deeper sexual satisfaction in relationships, it’s clear that the old Mars-and-Venus dichotomy doesn’t cut it.

Instead, maybe we should be looking more at how societal structures shape behaviour.

The more we question these stereotypes, the more we can create space for individuals to define their own sexuality and relationships without the weight of outdated assumptions.

Nuance is the way forward.

One of my favourite courses at University when studying Psychology was individual differences.

It was a stats course which focused on also taking into account you guessed it - individual differences.

There are differences in individual behaviour that are often lost in large datasets where people are grouped into faceless numbers.

Is it ever helpful to say all men or all women?

Or to have ideas about how all men and all women act?

Can we actually group men and women together in any of our assumptions?

Or should we always assume individuality?

What would your relationships look like if you started to not only question expectations based on gender but also decided to perceive the person in front of you as a nuanced individual?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Emma

References
Lammers, J., Stoker, J. I., Jordan, J., Pollmann, M., & Stapel, D. A. (2011). Power increases infidelity among men and women. Psychological Science, 22(9), 1191–1197. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797611416252

de Souza, M. L. R. S., Silva, A. J., Varella Valentova, J., & Silva Júnior, M. D. (2025). Relationship status rather than sociosexuality or sexual orientation predicts male sexual functioning. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 54, 365–376. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-03006-0