The Shadow’s Playground: When Suppressed Desires Visit Us in Dreams
What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About You #02
We don’t always want what we say we want.
And when we dream, that truth often makes itself known.
This piece is part of the Deep Desire Project, my longform research and storytelling series exploring what erotic dreams and fantasies can teach us about the unconscious. If you missed the first post in this series, you can catch up here: What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires: Does the stranger in your dream know you better than you do?
(Want to share your own erotic dream? Submit it anonymously here: Contribute to the Deep Desire Project)
Since launching the project, I’ve been collecting anonymous responses from people around the world—mapping the emotional, symbolic, and surprising ways that desire shows up when we’re not trying to curate it.
And one theme has emerged loud and clear:
Erotic dreams often explore what we consciously avoid, suppress, or reject.
These aren’t fantasies we construct in the daylight.
They’re transmissions sent to us in the deep of the night.
And they often deliver us straight into the realm of the Shadow.
What Is the Shadow?
In Jungian psychology, the Shadow refers to the parts of ourselves we repress—traits, desires, memories, and instincts that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be.
It’s not necessarily bad.
But it can be uncomfortable.
And it often shows up in dreams, not to shame us—but to integrate us.
Erotic dreams, more than fantasies, tend to be the stage where the Shadow performs.
And sometimes, what we find there is disturbing.
Other times, it’s liberating.
Either way, it can be fascinating to explore!
Five Real Dreams That Show the Shadow at Work
(This is where it gets juicy- if explicit language isn’t your thing one of my other posts might be more your vibe).
These are my interpretations of 5 of the dreams submitted to the Deep Desire Project through a Jungian lens- they may or may not resonate with the person who submitted them anonymously (If that’s you do let me know, I’d love to hear what your thoughts are).
1. The Demon Lover
“A fem-leaning demon with a cock and a cunt was fucking my cock and arse while scratching and biting me. I had several internal orgasms, but did not ejaculate.”
In my mind, this is not just an erotic dream.
It’s a mythic encounter.
The demon blends gender, intensity, and taboo—offering transformation instead of simple release.
This is the Shadow rendered symbolic: erotic, primal, and sacred all at once.
Perhaps the demon is a version of them?
A primal aspect of themselves seeking to be more alive in their daily life.
2. The Taboo Play Party
“I’m at a play party but it’s not a designated sex space—it’s mixed with a children’s birthday party, and I keep trying to sneak off and touch or be touched but the guilt and shame is overwhelming.”
No actual transgression takes place.
But the shame is real.
The dreamer’s arousal arrives in a setting where it’s absolutely not “allowed.”
This is one way the psyche surfaces the erotic Shadow—not through acts, but through ambience.
It asks: What happens when desire arrives at the wrong time?
Or perhaps it’s demonstrating the innocence that can often be found in an exploration of our authentic sexuality.
Either way, I feel there is an integration of innocence and sexuality seeking form in this person.
I’d be curious to know if they have explored play as an aspect of their eroticism.
3. The Guilt-Laced Gaze
“I’ve dreamt of a past lover looking for me, and I keep trying to hide, but every time I do, they get closer… they just watch me undress and disappear.”
This dream arguably isn’t about sex.
It’s about being seen.
The gaze here is charged, unsettling, unresolved.
Exposure often feels more vulnerable than touch—and the erotic Shadow knows it.
This dream captures the fear of wanting to be seen… and the shame that follows.
Could it be that the dreamer yearns to be seen deeply but has never felt so?
Or perhaps they haven’t felt seen as deeply since this past lover and are yearning for a similar connection but haven’t found it?
4. The Conflicted Yes
“My partner, who I have a confusing relationship with in real life, keeps showing up in my dreams in scenarios where he’s dominant, manipulative, and I still say yes. I wake up angry with myself.”
Desire and regret collide here.
The dreamer consents in the dream, then wakes in conflict.
It’s not fantasy—it’s confrontation.
This is the Shadow revealing where our erotic desires and our conscious values aren’t quite aligned.
That discomfort? It’s gold and something the mind is wanting to explore further.
5. The Erotic Interrupted
“The most recent erotic dream and often recurring ones involve me trying to have sex with people I find attractive, but I’m either interrupted, ashamed, or realize something inappropriate about the situation—like they’re too young or someone’s watching. I wake up unsettled.”
This is one of the most common motifs in the data: interrupted desire.
Dreams where sex almost happens—but doesn’t.
Where shame cuts through before climax.
These aren’t failed dreams. They’re dramatisations of internal boundaries…shifting, unfinished, full of meaning.
Could it be that this person is seeking to integrate their desire to be deserving of their lovers?
Why Do Erotic Dreams Matter?
Dreams don’t ask for your approval.
They ask for your attention.
Unlike fantasies—which are often curated, controlled, or repeated—erotic dreams tend to be surprising, emotional, and symbolic.
They bypass what you think you want and show you what you actually want,
Or perhaps even something inside you that’s waiting to be claimed.
This is where I’d love to introduce something I love working on with my private coaching clients: the Golden Erotic Shadow™.
The Golden Erotic Shadow™ is the part of your erotic self you’ve exiled… but that holds the key to your vitality, confidence, and capacity for pleasure.
It’s the desire you thought was “too much,” the impulse you were told to shut down, the archetype that shows up in your dreams wearing a mask and asking to be met.
Working with the Golden Erotic Shadow™ in coaching can be deeply liberating.
Because when we stop fighting our desire and start listening to it, integration becomes not just possible… but inevitable.
You don’t need to act on your erotic dreams.
You don’t need to like them.
But if you like you can listen.
And if you do… something sacred might finally have room to emerge.
And who knows - you might learn something new about yourself.
What To Ask When an Erotic Dream Disturbs You
What part of me did this erotic dream disturb?
If I weren’t judging it—what would I feel?
If a friend told me this dream- what might I say to them?
What does this erotic dream want me to confront or integrate?
And lastly- did you have any different interpretations of the erotic dreams I shared? If so let me know in the comments.
Announcing: Her Climax Code
Next month’s Psychology of Desire Case File will explore everything to do with the female orgasm.
To gather more data for the Case File, I’ve recently launched the Her Climax Code Project, a data-informed exploration of how women, femmes, and vulva-owners experience climax.
The survey explores the qualitative definition of orgasm, orgasm types, internal blocks, and the real-life rituals that help turn pleasure into release.
We already have well over 100 respondents in less than 4 days! I’m super excited to see the results next month. Link is here if you want to participate anonymously.
Missed the first Psychology of Desire: Case File? Dive into the foot fetishism data here: The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins.
Free giveaway!
The latest episode of The Erotic Realm with Carly - the Founder of AURORE is going viral! We chat all about the Psychology of Erotica. Check out what all the fuss is about here AND listen to enter our free giveaway of a paid yearly subscription to BOTH the Aurore and Psychology of Desire Substacks!
Thanks for reading!
Emma
The Voice of Desire Psychology
Founder of Psychology of Desire | Host of The Erotic Realm podcast
Want to dive deeper into your desires with me personally? I offer 1:1 Coaching via application. Find out more here.
If this exploration stirred something in you—if you felt seen, unsettled, or intrigued—it’s because your desire is already waking up to a new language.
I’m currently creating two courses that speak directly to this.
Activate Your Desire is a quick, potent introduction to my Desire Activation Model™. It helps you identify your unique desire style and begin rewiring how you relate to arousal—perfect if you're at the edge of a breakthrough and need a guided nudge.
Decode My Desire is the deeper journey—the full map. It’s where I walk you through the erotic architecture of your mind, help you uncover your hidden turn-on patterns, and reshape desire from the inside out.
If either course calls to you, now’s the time: presale is open for a limited time at a huge discount → Explore the Courses Here.
The Psychology of Desire partners with aligned brands in the realms of psychology, sexuality, and symbolic transformation. Interested in sponsoring? Start here.
p.s Want to explore my writing?
Desire Without Demands: The Psychology of Giving Without Expectation
The Sole of Desire: Foot Fetish Origins | Psychology of Desire: Case File #1
What Your Erotic Dreams Reveal About Your Deepest Desires
My Erotic Journey: From Repressed to Expressed
The Secret Life of Your Desire
Why Your Desires Are More Normal Than You Think.
What If Everything You Know About Men and Women Is Wrong?
The Hidden Key to Lasting Desire: It’s Not What You Think
Are Men and Women Wired Differently For Desire?
And don’t forget my Jung of Sex Series:
p.p.s Want to check out my projects?
So, if I don't have any erotic dreams, does that mean tht I cast no shadow? :-)